Dam Gilden Lieder - The Guild Leader Song

Album Notes

I dedicate this song to everyone who has ever been in a guild...especially a MMORPG. It was inspired in part by the hit web series, The Guild (props to Felicia Day and the whole cast!), but more from having spent almost ten years experiencing the dysfunctional life of MMORPG guilds and watching each and every one of them fall apart in games like Dark Age of Camelot and World of Warcraft. They all get a 50 DKP minus.

About the title..."Dam Gilden Lieder" is (roughly) German for The Guild Song. And if you say it fast, it sounds somewhere between "Damn Guild Leader" and "Damn Golden Leader" which, if you've ever been in a guild, should make more sense than it should. Every guild leader is somewhere between Leader and Golden Boy, and in the end, you're better off playing Skyrim by yourself. You know what I mean.

Enjoy the song! And if it helps one person wake up from a post-four hour raid tantrum, and go outside and see the sun, it will have been worth it.

Lyrics:

(spoken) So then Divadoom, our guild leader finally gets back from being AFK,
Walks into the middle of the Hall of the King of the Undead,
Does a slash-groan and says to us, "You all suck. Leave. Now."

So we're all like, dude - WTF man? We're in the middle of the frickin' raid!
What do you want us to do - hearth? Now? Right before the final battle?
I mean, I know we just wiped 5 consecutive times, but ... but...
What about the loot rolls? What about the epic mount you're holding that we all want a chance at? What about the DKP? What about the 17 hours we spent this week clearing these damn halls, not to mention the 97 hours of prep work you made EACH of us put in before that? The web site...the video analysis...the 23 slide pre-raid PowerPoint presentation you made us sit through, with the circles, and arrows, and blue diamonds, pink hearts, yellow stars, and purple moons to show us where each one of us had to stand and what weapons would be used against us? Where's our LOOT man? Where's our REWARD? We...we demand RESTITUTION!!!! Or at least an EXPLANATION!
For a long moment there was silence. Then we could hear the little nerd cough and wipe his glasses on Vent. Then a deep sigh. "Well, you've been with this comp...guild...long enough. I suppose I can give you that much..." And this is what he said to us...

[CHORUS]
Dam gilden lieder, this is my song
I am the leader, this is my guild
I say who’s in it, and I say who gets the loot
And all you posers are just dragging me down.

So you can fight spiders by the light of the moon
And you can solo undead hordes till well past noon
You can steal gold from a baby dragon
But don't expect me to be tanking his mom.

You can fight the lich lord - oh no wait - you can't without me!
He's a raid boss beat by no fewer than 40
I'm gonna find me some teeny bopper sycophants
To do my bidding and cyber on the tram

I don't need more DOTs, I don't need nukes
You never hit very hard nor very fast,
I'm giving you all a 50 DKP minus
Cos you didn't know what the fuck to do

[spoken]
The whole guild...or ex-guild...or...whatever the hell we were...was stunned...it felt as bad as having our accounts hacked, and our characters deleted, and all our phat lewt sold on the asian gold market. Then everyone started talking at once – Nurf threw his mike down in crackle of static; Isis started sobbing uncontrollably; Mulgras the mage started going on about how he was going to get revenge on Divadoom for making his beloved cry – which only made Isis cry harder cos she only pretended to like Mulgras in game to get stuff from him. Then The Twins started whimpering something about Divadoom being a horrible meanie especially after what happened that one time in Faerieland. And we're still not sure who suddenly shouted, "Leeeeeeroy Jenkins!" or why...
Divadoom just sighed. Again. Wiped his glasses. [squeak squeak]. Again. And said, "Clearly...I have not made myself clear. Clearly. So, one more time..."

[CHORUS]
Dam gilden lieder, this is my song
I am the leader, this is my guild
I say who’s in it, and I say who gets the loot
And all you posers are just dragging me down.

So you can fight spiders by the light of the moon
And you can solo undead hordes till well past noon
You can steal gold from a baby dragon
But don't expect me to be tanking his mom.

You can fight the lich lord - oh no wait - you can't without me!
He's a raid boss beat by no fewer than 40
I'm gonna find me some teeny bopper sycophants
To do my bidding and cyber on the tram

I don't need more DOTs, I don't need nukes
You never hit very hard nor very fast,
I'm giving you all a 50 DKP minus
Cos you didn't know what the fuck to do

I'm giving you all a 50 DKP minus
Cos you didn't know what the fuck to do.